"From Here to Maternity-Oh How We Change"

Jeremy is my fifth child. However, this picture reminded me of a story I put in my third child's book (Zachary) on how we change with more children. My first child, Matthew would have been in a the grocery cart seat-belt. With Jeremy, my last child, I'm glad we have good insurance.

"a column I wrote on how mothers age and each child prompted a reader from Dallas to pass this chart, written by dr. P.E. Luecke Jr. and should hang on every pediatrician's office wall nationwide:

Birthdays - First baby: Tues., Jan. 26, 1956, 7:34 a.m. Second baby: July 28, daytime. Third baby: the year the grocery store burned down.

Named after-First baby: grandmother and paternal aunt for political reasons. Second baby: Daddy. Third baby: Daddy's boss. Godparents- first baby: Bernard Ryan and Joy Smith, Second baby: Martha Dunn and either Uncle Fred or Fred the barber. Third baby: relatives.

Formula -First baby: fortified prepared infant formula. Second baby: heated cow's mild poured from a carton. Third baby:cold milk, cokes and kool-aid. Bottles- First baby: boiled 10 minutes, removed with tongs and rubber gloves. Second baby: boiled five minutes, removed with beer-can opener. Third baby: rinsed in cold water, dried on apron. Handling- First baby: right hand behind head, left under knee, clutch baby close to body. Second baby: Place hands under armpits and lift. Third baby: one arm around stomach. Length and weight at 1 year - First baby: 15 pounds, 14 1/2 ounces, 26 1/4 inches. Second baby: 16 or 17 pounds, same height as vertical knob on TV set. Third baby: heavier than a bowling ball. Short. Sanitation - First baby: rubber gloves, face mask, scrub floors weekly, mosquito net. Second baby: use air freshener weekly, swat all flies. Third baby: keep the dog out of playpen. Baby records-First baby: detailed in gold-embossed book. Second baby: written on back of old envelopes. Third baby: Ask Grandma. The good doctor is right. As the challenges keep coming, mothers realize they can't possibly keep pace, or they'll wind up comatose under the kitchen sink. I got to the point where I was feeling sorry for the dog, and when one of the kids kissed him, I washed the dog's mouth out with soap and said " You never know where that mouth has been." It's hard to believe I needlepointed my first child's name onto a pillow. By the time the third child came along I wanted to do that name- but couldn't remember it half the time. "

( article written by Erma Bombeck in AZ Replublic in 1993)